Undiagnosed Seasonal Depression – December 6, 2017
In the past, I’ve found myself straying away from talking about my feelings. I’ve never shared personal information on the internet. In YouTube videos, I’m always smiling, never frowning, always laughing, never crying. I haven’t really gotten up the confidence to share my navigation through my mental health journey the way that Dodie Clark or Grace Francesca have. I’ve always admired their courage and for some time now I’ve fancied the idea of building a platform where I too could share my life with the world in a truthful way.
I’d like to start by stating that I’ve never been diagnosed with depression. I’d like to make it known that I’m not even sure seasonal depression is a real thing. Sharing personal bits of my life is hard because it isn’t just me. We’re a team and I never want to halt the positive vibe of our blog and youtube channel. I’m all for positive energy but…you can’t be happy 100% of the time so I think it’s time to finally open a discussion about this.
Earlier today I fell asleep at 1:30 pm and slept until 10 PM. When I came downstairs my family was already starting to head upstairs to bed. I sleep all day, wake up at night, sometimes I forget to eat, I’m always tired, and we haven’t made a new youtube video in a month. Winter is coming and It’s a little unsettling. My family thinks I don’t like them, they honestly believe I wait until they come upstairs to go downstairs. I hate that I keep getting this feeling like everyone thinks of me in a negative way. Today, it really got to me.
I feel like this started around Thanksgiving. We were making recipes the night before, there was so much going on I had a small panic attack. The tv was on, the blender was buzzing, my family was talking, I could hear the sink run water from across the room and I’m looking at this recipe on the back of a box of Ghirardelli chocolate brownies and I can’t focus on a single word. I thought I was losing my mind.
I don’t like that the sun sets at 5 pm, I’ve become extremely un-motivated, and it just sucks! Maybe it’s just that I simply don’t like early sunsets or the holidays, maybe I just can’t stand cold weather or Christmas music. It feels like the seasonal depression was less severe last year because I was talking to a therapist all the way through fall and winter. It’s ok to ask for help because talking to someone is really helpful. I’m ready for spring and warmer days, I’m ready to be outside of all of this. Thank you for reading, please leave a comment below and take some time to check out more of Obviously Twinning.
Note: After a doing a bit of research, I learned that Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD can be treatable which makes me feel hopeful. Below, I’ve listed some resources for people who feel as though they may be experiencing the same thing.
Resources for Seasonal Depression / Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)